Home > Runehako's Blog > Stable Talk: WarCraft L’amour

Stable Talk: WarCraft L’amour

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Looks like Raph! Yeah, a little too Raph.

What is an unstoppable force’s weakness? Is turning the tables overrated!? Is WoW actually a dating service in disguise!?! Cats dual wield brass knuckles!!? Who loves orange soda?! Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do yah?? All this and more in this blogisode of Stable Talk!

It has come to my attention that it has been a while since I’ve posted a pro tip for boss strategies. Mainly, it’s because there are so many helpful guides out there and adding my own strategy seems unnecessary and possibly redundant. That is, until my raid comes up with a strategy of our own that seems to work very well! With that said, I would like to share a quick tanking strategy for a Firelands boss, Alysrazor. By the way, this tip is for Paladins only!

PROT PALI PRO TIP

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We are all eventually consumed by Death, Mr.Bird.

For those unaware of this boss’s mechanics, it is a 4 phase fight that recycles through the phases. In theory, the boss should be dead with no more than 3 phase sequences. Especially now, since the nerf. This particular strategy is for the fourth phase of the encounter.

In phase 4 of the encounter, Alysrazor is grounded and tanked, while the DPS stand behind the boss and burn it as much as possible. As this phase progresses, your current tank will be taking a good amount of damage and will be gaining a stacking debuff which increases incoming damage. In theory, what you would want to so is switch tanks after about 6 stacks. This is because right before Alysrazor takes off, he does a raid wide AOE and pushback which WILL kill your tank if his attacks are too high.

That is… unless you’re a Paladin. So, here is what you do. Once, the boss is grounded and active (phase 3, boss in grounded but inactive) taunt him and turn him away from the raid. Once you have enough aggro, change seals to Seal of Light for self-heals and mana gain. Also, use Word of Glory on yourself at 3 Holy Powers, holy shield and Divine Protection when you get the chance. Your goal is to survive without popping Ardent Defender until you reach about 10 stacks. At the 11th stack, pop Ardent Defender. Around the 13th stack, the boss will do his massive AOE which will “kill” you thus activating the Ardent Defender, which will then boost your health to 15%. At this point, you can either WoG yourself and pop a healthstone, or just Lay on Hands yourself. Your healers will have their hands full since this is the most heal intensive part of the fight. You will also want to pop Divine Guardian during this phase to alleviate some incoming raid damage.

If you succeeded, the fight will loop and enter phase 1 again. By the time you reach phase 4 again, you may or may not have Ardent Defender off cool down. If you do not, substitute Ardent Defender for Divine Shield. Upon bubbling, immediately taunt the boss so it doesn’t turn to the raid. He will then do the pushback and you’ll be safe and sound in your bubble. This is the way I tank this boss on my Paladin and we have downed him so I can safely say that this strategy works. The trick is not to pop these CDs too early or they will run out before the pushback and you will end up dying and possibly wiping the raid. But hey, if that happens, just blame the other tank! Also keep in mind, stress induced may vary since the nerf.

FUN WITH DUAL-WIELD

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Just. Plain. Awesome.

What are the classes that benefit from dual-wielding? Frost Deathknights, Rogues, Enhancement Shamans, Fury Warriors, that’s it. But, why? Why are there only 4 classes that can enjoy the fun and excitement of dual wielding? This just won’t do! So, here is a list of classes that should be allowed to dual-wield and why it would be AWESOME!

Hunters

Ok, so technically, Hunter can dual-wield, but only melee weapons. So, of course that serves absolutely no purpose. Instead, why not introduce Pistols for Dual-Wielding? Just give us a trainer name Filthy Harry who claims to wipe out crime to hell with his .44 Magnum, the most powerful hand-cannon in the world. This guy can teach you to dual-wield the pistols and even teach you a new spell called “Feelin Lucky,” which increases your Hit and Crit chance by 60% for 10 seconds. Hell yeah.

Feral DPS Druids

Why do druids use staves? Where does it go when they shape shift? Actually, on second thought, I don’t want to know… What I DO know is that kitties should be allowed to Dual-Wield fist weapons! I mean, how is a kitty’s paw going to do any damage to a plate wearer? It doesn’t make sense! All the gear they equip just disappears and reappears upon shifting back and forth? It does not make sense! Chewbacca is an 8-foot tall Wookie living in Endor with a bunch of 2-foot tall Ewoks! IT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE! If Chewbacca doesn’t make sense, then you must acquit! Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh, yeah. How cool would it be to see a kitty with razor-sharp fist weapons, hacking and slacking at its pray!? Next step, tree form with flame throwers! Need a light?

Protection Paladins

Two Shields. One Tank. Give this to us now! How neat would this be? Though this would totally change how a tank works, it could still make sense. Tanks are not DPS. Our goal is not to pummel the boss into submission. Our goal is to be the annoying fly that gets the boss’ attention and have enough armor and avoidance to take a beating but have the ability to continue pestering the boss. Just picture it; casting Avengers Shield would throw both shields into the boss’ face momentarily concussing it. This would leave the Paladin defenseless for a second or two but that’s what bubbles are for, right? Or Double Shield of Righteous with 3 Holy Powers! Not simultaneously but kind of like a double attack, one instantly after the other. Ahhh, this is so bad ass! This could also work for Protection Warriors, but since I don’t play a Warrior, I cannot add any possible instances! Sorry!

WoW = MATCH.COM

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Who said Match Making was between a Man and a Woman... or Humans?

Let’s face it, we live in a time where courtship is anything but traditional. Your grandparents were probably married off by their parents for status benefits. Your parents met at the roller disco after your groovy father wooed your foxy mamma by doing a triple roller inferno spin. You, on the other hand, met your wife in Cathedral Square as she asked around for where to train her priestly ways and you, a Warrior in shining armor, strutted your way to her and said, “Fair Maiden! Come Hither! For the God’s man you seek dwells within these holiest of walls!” Then, a dragon attacked which you smit with a single blow. You then decapitated the draconic corpse and charmed the priestess with the head of the villain…

Ok, so maybe it wasn’t that epic. But, that’s beside the point. The point is, World of Warcraft has always been and always will be a social network where people all over the world meet to play together, speak with one another, and on occasion, meet in real life, fall in geeky love and make the most hideous babies you’ve ever seen. I kid! I kid! I have many friends who have met their significant other through WoW and their children are beautiful! And delicious.

But, how do people perceive this? Is it acceptable to society as a whole meet people through a game for something more than stealing babies and killing their parent in front of them? Is it at all healthy to even try to form such close and personal relationships through a game? For instance, I have a WoW friend who happens to be in a “relationship” with another WoW player who lives about 10 states away! The question is, would such a relationship have merit?

Before even considering answering this, people need to view the current world as it is. Technology has evolved the way humans interact with one another in such a way that it’s just mind blowing! I can press one button on my phone right now and call my friend in Germany. Do you know how HARD it used to be to accomplish such a feat? I’m sure you all have an idea. On top of that, the economy is so bad that most people either (A) can’t afford to go out soul searching, or (B) are so busy trying to survive in this world that they just don’t have the time to search for that certain someone that will put all the remaining puzzle pieces of their lives together.

So, what do we do to “solve” this issue? We bring the searching to us; to our home. This is why we have these “dating” websites like Match.com. Instead of going out, finding someone and taking time to find out if the two are right for each other, these social networking sites bring the presumable compatible candidates to one another, making the process of meet and greet a less strenuous one.

Now, the question rises again. How acceptable is this to the world we live in? If you actually go to one of these websites, you’ll find that they have a very large number of subscribers. For the three people reading this, If you sit down and think about it, I’m sure you either know someone who has/is subscribed to one of these site, know someone that knows someone, or are/have subscribed yourself! Out of the top of my head, I know three people who are/were subscribed to Match.com. One of them being my own brother. How do I personally view this? I see no problem with it. As humans, we long to share our lives with someone else. Some to tell our secrets, someone to show affection to someone to open up to and not be held back by society’s view of how a man or woman should be and act like. And if you meet this person in McDonalds, through a dating website, or through World of Warcraft, I would have no problem with it.

Unfortunately, not everyone share my point of view. If there is one thing in common from ALL the people I know that are in a relationship that flourished from either Match or WoW, it’s that they were very reluctant in sharing that information. You see, if you, the person involved in this, feel uncomfortable to tell people that you are partaking in this, then what makes you think that the rest of the world will feel comfortable about it? Remember, the road to acceptance begins within you. If you cannot accept the way you search for love, lust, or whatever, then no one will.

So, you enter that trade chat and type it out in all caps,” I MET MY WIFE THROUGH A SEX RP SESSION IN THE ORPHANAGE AND I’M PROUD!” Remember to immediately log off and erase your character after though! 😉

Well that’s enough of that crap. How about some PVP talk to man up the mood!? Nah, it’s going to be more like whining and complaining than anything else really.

NOM NOM NOM BABIES

As some of you may know, I am half of a 2v2 team called the “Porchmonkeys,” with my Hunter (Runehako) and a Shaman (Nitsu). What you don’t know is that I have another 2v2 team with my Resto Druid (Groundhopper) and a Frost Mage (Juddow) named Nom Nom Nom Babies. This team is not as highly rated as the Porchmonkeys, and a certain member, that will remain nameless, may not be the best FROST MAGE out there, but hey, we at least hit conquest cap for Arenas usually in one sitting, which isn’t always the case for the Porchmonkeys.

But, I’m not here to complain about Juddow’s noobish ways. Like the way he never uses his Mana Shield, or the way that I, a person whose knowledge of Mages extends to that of a level 16 turned 60 with the free levels granted from Recruit-A-Friend, had to teach him how to hear and which stats to focus on as Frost. No, I’m not here to complain about him. I’m here to tell you that fighting against 2 geared out healers F***ING SUCKS!

This fight was obviously going nowhere from the moment we jumped down those sewer pipes. But, we sure as hell tried to kill them! About 10 minutes in, we realized that this will be a fight won only by the team with the most patience, the most perseverance, the most dedication, and the one with nothing better to do with their lives. I had just recently gotten out of work and the next day was my day off so… BRING IT ON, B*TCHES!

IF I recall correctly, the Horde team was composed of a Shaman and Druid. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I don’t like letting the Horde win anything. Whether it’s an obvious loss for the Alliance in a battleground, the Gurubashi Arena, or a 2v2 fight. If I can do anything to prevent them from winning, I will do it. Oh, and I;ve also sworn to target goblins first in every PVP scenario. Little Gremlin-looking bastards… But, I digress. The battle was a strenuous one. The fight, especially got heated about 30 minutes in when the following, depicted by a screenshot, occurred.

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S'more? Some more of what? You're killing me Smalls.

Both teams realized we were getting nowhere and it was going to stay like that. So, a battle of emotes and scary tales commenced. For about a minute, there was a moment of peace between the Horde and Alliance. Two camp fires, meditation being practiced, the road to nirvana being but a glance away. But suddenly, the mage gets hexed. Which is followed by a Cyclone. Then a sheep. Then another cyclone, and then a bear dance. So much for peace. The match ended up lasting about 40 minutes if I recall correctly. I forget the exact time fir my mental state was no longer stable and my awareness of time had been blown into oblivion. The finish could not have been anymore courteous from the Horde’s side. They bowed down to us and left. Those no good, quitting, sons of b*tches!

QQ CORNER

If there is one thing that really grinds my cogs, it’s when people give up. And I don’t mean just for PVP, even though that’s where it tends to happen the most. But, it happens everywhere! Battlegrounds, Arenas, Raids, and Instances! Whether it’s with the Guild or with a PUG! It bothers me so much that I’m going to divide this part into 4 subsections.

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See where perserverance gets you? To the gates of hell itself.

Battlegrounds

So, you hear this all the time. “Alliance sucks at PVP!” Or, “Horde never wins anything!” No matter what server you’re on, what battlegroup or what faction you play, you’re always subject to hearing people claiming that your faction never wins. And you know what? It’s all a load of crap! You win some, you lose some. Get over it! But, the main issue is the negative mentality that too many people get upon entering a BG that hasn’t even started!

There is nothing worse than once you enter a BG, the first thing you read is someone type out “Can we make this quick and let them win?” I HATE that shit! For f**k’s sake man, at least try before you give up! The other thing that bothers me is if the BG is not going 100% your way, EVEN IF YOU’RE WINNING, people say “f*ck it” and stop trying. Are you kidding me? Just because your opponents are putting up a fight, you’re going to stop trying? F*CK YOU, man. PVP isn’t for those who give up on the first sight of struggle. So, if you’re that type of person, do me and everyone else a favor and f*cking DON’T PVP.

Arenas

In total, I partake in 3 different 2v2 arena teams. Two are active, and the other one was recently made but only participated in a week’s worth of “arena-ing”. I would like to continue it, but my partner had some personal issues come up. But, that’s neither here or there. Some people may say that 2v2 arenas hold no merit. Why is that? Because winning or losing will not grant you the best PVP gear nor will it get you titles or mounts. So, why do them? Conquest points. With conquest points, you can buy better PVP gear so then you could make a 3v3 or 5v5 and your gear would be as good as it can possibly be upon making those teams. But, just because 2v2 is really just a stepping stone, it doesn’t mean that you should not care about it.

I don’t have too much to complain about arenas except that you should still treat it as your team mate does. If one of you wants to win and get a good team rating, but the other member couldn’t care less, then your team is not going to work. Also, this may sound a tad bit hypocritical, since I tend to do this, but just because your team mate dies, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have lost. Try to win! I have beaten a team of two with me being the lone survivor. And so has Nitsu. And I think that so has Juddow. So, remember, unless one of the other two is a Healer with a full mana bar, you have a chance of winning!

Raid

In theory, Raiding is the most time consuming endeavor you can put yourself through in this game. Before entering a raid though, you NEED to be aware of what you are getting into and its possible outcomes. You can and will learn new fights and new mechanics, you will die, CONSTANTLY, and you will get phat loots. Results may vary upon raid teams. We all like to enter a raid thinking positively that we will kill stuff and get gear. But, you also need to accept that there will be wipes.

You need to be aware that shit happens. Especially if you are in a PUG. I don’t do PUGs much but there is nothing worse than people dropping from the raid after the PUG wipes the first time. I mean, seriously? I understand that most PUGS are full of fail but, dropping after one wipe? Give me a break. But that’s not really my main issue. My main issue is when people from you own guild stop trying or literally drop the raid because they are “tired of wiping.” That’s the nature of the beast people. If you are facing off against a boss that has some ridiculous mechanic, people will screw up which will cause wipes. We all have our own pace in learning mechanics. Some people learn faster than others. You need to realize this. And only by learning this will your Guild progress.

Shit, you can even apply this to your real life. Only by accepting the faults of others will you advance in life. In addition, if you are the type of person who likes to Ninja DC while in a raid with your own guild, or decide to drop just because you are tired of wiping, then you should not be in that guild. You are not welcome to be there. Do yourself and the guild a favor and just /gquit. I would rather progress slowly with 10 people I care about than burn through content with a bunch of stuck up assclowns. Just to clear the air, this is not a complaint about anyone currently in my guild. But we have had people like this before, and I’m sure you all have.

Instances

F*ck PUGs. F*ck Instances. You’ll live longer without this stress-inducing bullshit.

EAR CANDY

The past blogisodes had some alternative rock entries as the ear candy that I wished to share with the world. So, this time, let’s kick it a bit old school. This band recently released a new album and it’s as canonic as ever. This band’s first album release was back in 1984 as they put to practice their License to Ill. Of course, I speak of non-other than the Beastie Boys. So, before we start an Intergalactic war, I present to you “Shadrach” by the Beastie Boys from the 1989 album, Paul’s Boutique.

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Well, that’s it for blogisode of Stable Talk! I apologize for not posting as frequent as once before but it’s for a few good reasons. Real life has exploded in my face, school is my priority and well, we have a bunch of new writers to keep us all entertained! So, until next time, remember don’t scheme on things that are a mirage. I’m trying to tell you, its sabotage!

-Knight Lieutenant RuneHako

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